Archive | January, 2014

The Fauxsters : A Hipster Parody

16 Jan


Before I start throwing punches, I want to make clear that this article is directed at the bandwagon hipsters (I like to call them ‘Fauxsters’), not the original, alternative lifestyle, quirky, non-conformist characters that have lived in the inner west for decades. The ‘original hipsters’ would in fact cringe at the term and further more despise the commercialisation of the so called ‘hipster lifestyle’. Much like their food, the original hipster existence is organic and pure and it was their push for sustainable living that created so many of the businesses in the inner west that have the genuine intention to create a sustainable, clean living and unique community.

That was until the introduction of:  The Fauxsters.

Ordering a beer at a bar in the inner city used to be a nice experience. You would order a beer, some banter with the bar staff and then be on your way. But now I am met with a guy who can barely muster a friendly smile, his eyes brooding a manufactured a fake distant gaze, ‘like blue steel after smoking a joint’. I think it’s meant to purvey to me just how cool this cat is. But just in case I am mistaken I am utterly convinced this guy is cool because his hair is all messy, he has a beard and his clothes, my god his clothes! A paisley shirt, skinny jeans and a key chain that attaches from his back pocket to the front pocket. Coooool!

This guy is trying to so hard to pretend that he doesn’t care about how he looks that it is blatantly obvious that it is all he cares about.  His hair has so much product in it that it could support a second story and the time it would have taken to style it is in complete contrast to the look he is trying to achieve (the ‘I don’t care about my hair look, isn’t that just so random lol’). Now I respect a good beard as much as next man but if you sit down and think, ‘I am going grow a beard because it looks cool’, then don’t do it. The amount of disgusting, partially ginger, patchy faces getting around under the guise of cool not only sickens me it shows just what ridiculousness these fashion tradgics are willing to put themselves through to achieve ‘the look’.

The superficial existence of these inner city wankers really gained momentum about 3 – 4 years ago with the ‘Fauxster Movement’. A tribe of awkward looking, suburban 20 – 30 year olds searching so hard to find a cool identity they decided to pillage styles past to find the coolest piece of clothing they could. It started with 80’s and 90’s t shirts with pictures of Punky Brewster or Brandon Walsh on them.

“ It’s so ironic dude because it’s so uncool that is cool LMFAO, LOL! I better tweet that it is soo insightful”

Then it progressed to old man shirts from the 60’s which has taken us to the  ‘paisley phase’. Why? Because paisley is hideous!  And there’s nothing cooler and more ironic than wearing a shirt that society once considered hideous. The problem with this movement is, that in their desire to be different they have all wound up looking the same.

The whole movement peaked with me and inspired this article when a kid around 25 years old, beard, golfer’s hat, paisley shirt and skinny jeans pulled out a pipe in the Court House beer garden and started to smoke it. He had no interest in smoking a pipe; he was trying to be ‘that guy’. Trying to be the next cool, hoping that someone may post a picture of him on twitter so he can claim to be the one who took it the next level. Is there anything more conceited? Actually there is, he then took his iPhone out and took a picture of himself smoking it. I wanted to slap the pipe from his soft little hand and throw it over the fence.

A Plague on their Houses:

Gaining a reputation for being the new cool the inner west the fauxsters started to infiltrate businesses and have their influence on the community. Here lies my problem.

The manufactured ‘cool’ is painful. It is not only painful it is superficial. The way they design their bars, cafes and pop up shops is so formulaic.

Inner City Bar/Cafe + Fauxsters + Parents Money =

Exposed brick walls and ceilings, up cycled furniture, random emotive quotes written in chalk, cocktails in jam jars served by a 1920’s speak easy barmen or an Andy Warhol look alike  and the fixed wheel bike chained to a pole outside.   And repeat.


Because of the Fauxster element, the hipster movement has evolved into nothing but a brand. They are as mainstream and consumer based as McDonalds. At least McDonalds doesn’t pretend to be anything but.

I appreciate the true pioneers  of this style but enough is enough. Time to build your own personality into your business, not a rip off of someone else’s idea or  a reproduction of a Martha Cooper photo. Just like human beings you can’t just manufacture character, you have to develop character.  You can’t just throw on some vintage clothes, smoke a pipe and claim to be a part of a movement. If you intend to live a lifestyle that truly defines you, you have to invest in it completely and for longer than a few years.  A threatening trend is society’s reluctance towards spending long periods of time in building character, not only in one’s self but in their businesses. Communities like Newtown need to be treated like neighborhoods and not like an iPhone with a 2 year upgrade cycle.  Too often the attitude is, lets buy history instead of  trying to create it. What is starting to define these areas  is fleeting interest, novelty value and trend,  which offer temporary experience but little substance. How long is Newtown, Erskenville or Alexandria going to be the center of attention? It seems the gentrification periods of these places has a life of only a few years before the new cool decide that another suburb is uber grunge and the real hipster Mecca.

As previously stated I am sure there are some people reading this article who are genuine in their appearance and  have been mistaken for a ‘fauster’. All I can say to you is, stay strong. Pretty soon the Fauxsters will move on because their commitment to the cause is fiercely resolute,

until the next fashion trend.

Rant On.